Cornell asked over 1,200 of America's oldest people what they'd do differently. The answer was almost never about work
Cornell Interviewed Over 1,200 of America's Oldest People About Their Biggest Regrets. Not One Said 'I Wish I'd Worked More.'
The Legacy Project spent years interviewing and surveying elders across the country for practical wisdom. When the subject turned to regret, the pattern was almost total, and it was not about money.
In 2004, Cornell gerontologist Karl Pillemer started the Legacy Project: a nationwide effort to collect practical wisdom from the oldest Americans, the people who had already lived through the decisions the rest of us are still making.
Over the years that followed, his team interviewed more than 600 elders in depth and surveyed over 1,200 in total, most in their 70s through 90s and beyond, asking a version of the same question: looking back, what do you wish you had done differently.
**The answers clustered hard around a handful of themes: love and marriage, work, child rearing, and above all, regret. And in over a decade of collecting these answers, Pillemer has said that not one of the more than 1,200 people he studied gave the answer so many people expect to hear. Nobody said they wished they had worked more, or made more money.**
1. The regret that never showed up
Pillemer went into the Legacy Project expecting a wide spread of answers. Instead he found something closer to a consensus. Career regrets existed, but they ran the opposite direction: people who stayed too long in work they disliked, not people who wish they had climbed higher or earned more.
**One elder's line, repeated in different words by many others: no amount of money is worth more than having a job you are glad to get up for, instead of one you dread. Staying somewhere out of fear, not ambition, was the regret. Ambition itself barely came up.**
In the largest study of its kind, working harder was not the thing anyone wished they had done more of.
2. What actually filled the silence
When the regrets were not about career, they were almost always about people: a parent they meant to ask more questions, a sibling they let a small argument keep them from, a chance to really listen instead of half-listening while thinking about something else.
**These were rarely dramatic regrets. Nobody described a single missed moment. It was closer to a slow accumulation, years of assuming there would be another visit, another holiday, another ordinary Tuesday to finally ask the question that kept getting put off.**
The regrets that lasted were quiet ones: a conversation someone assumed they would get around to.
3. Wisdom this specific does not arrive twice
Pillemer's subjects were not guessing. They were the only group of people qualified to answer honestly, because they had already reached the end of the decision and could see, clearly, which parts of it mattered.
**That is the part of the Legacy Project that is easy to read past: this exact wisdom, gathered from over 1,200 lives, only exists because someone sat down and asked. The people in your own family carry a version of the same answers. Most of them have simply never been asked the question.**
The people closest to you already know what they would have done differently. Nobody has asked them yet.
I read my dad the line about nobody wishing they'd worked more, mostly as a joke since he's the definition of a workaholic. He got quiet, then told me he actually agreed, and started telling me about a friend he lost touch with in the 70s he still thinks about. I'd never heard that story in my life.Marcus, 44, recording his father's stories
What you get with LifeScribe
- Grounded in Karl Pillemer's Cornell Legacy Project, based on interviews and surveys with more than 1,200 older Americans, published as '30 Lessons for Living.'
- Ari asks the questions that surface this kind of wisdom, on a call already on the calendar, instead of waiting for the right occasion.
- Every answer is kept as an actual recording, in their own voice, not a summary written down after the fact.
- No special appointment required. Use the next call you already have planned.
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**The people Pillemer studied could only share this wisdom because someone finally asked. The people in your family are carrying the same kind of answers right now.** Ask on the call you already have this week.
They already know what they'd do differently.
Pick a call already on your calendar this week. Let Ari ask the question, while there is still time for the answer.
Questions grandparents ask us
What is the Cornell Legacy Project?
The Legacy Project is a research effort started in 2004 by Cornell gerontologist Karl Pillemer. His team conducted in-depth interviews with more than 600 older Americans and surveyed over 1,200 in total, most in their 70s, 80s, and 90s, asking for their honest, practical wisdom about life, work, family, and regret. The findings were published in the book '30 Lessons for Living.'
What did the study find about career regrets?
Pillemer has said that not one of the more than 1,200 elders he studied named 'I wish I had worked more' or 'I wish I had made more money' as a major regret. Where career regret did appear, it ran the other direction: staying too long in work they disliked.
What did people regret instead?
The regrets that came up repeatedly centered on relationships: not asking a parent more questions, letting a small conflict create distance from a sibling, or assuming there would always be another chance to have a conversation that kept getting put off.
Why does this kind of wisdom matter now, rather than later?
The people Pillemer interviewed could only share their perspective because someone sat down and asked them directly. The same wisdom exists in most families today, unasked. Waiting assumes there will always be another ordinary day to ask, which is exactly the assumption the study's subjects say they regret making.
How does this connect to LifeScribe?
Ari asks a family member the kind of questions the Legacy Project asked, on a call that is already happening, so the answers get kept in their own voice instead of staying unasked.
https://getlifescribeapp.com/blog/not-one-said-i-wish-id-worked-more